God's way Works - Latest Comments

Re: 8 Steps to Study a Psalm

Jul — Thu, 10 May 2012 16:13:40 -0000

hello! thank you for nice way to think about psalm exegesis. its just limit of the language, doing this out of english instead of hebrew brings out some misunderstoods. but anyways thaks for taking this out! take care! Jul

Re: A Final 5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men

Guest — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 15:01:00 -0000

I could not have accepted the above comment, much less written it, before being convinced that his draw to pornography is not due to something less than satisfactory about my person. I say "convinced", as if it's that easy. Perhaps I should say I "academically trust" that it's not about what I'm not. Most of the time. When I make myself remember.

Re: A Final 5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men

Guest — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 14:43:16 -0000

I benefit from the perspectives shared here. Thanks for your responses. I walk away from this conversation with some realizations.
I need to work on more matter of factly accepting, even perhaps expecting struggles with the eyes as part of being male. God gave a man this gift in his eyes, this ability to see his wife in a way that sky rockets her self esteem and gives her satisfaction in knowing that she has something for him no one else can give. I believe him when he says that looking outside of marriage is not as satisfactory and does not build him up in the way his own wife does, rather beats him down. That doesn't mean the gift is at fault.
I need to focus more on where he and I are headed than on the bumps along the way. I can maybe anticipate the bumps, maybe even brace for them if the stretch of road looks to be really rough, but can trust that the bumps won't still be jolting me around once we're enjoying the destination. (...even if I remember the bumps... even if maybe a little sore.) And he needs to know that I don't believe he's actively setting his course and aiming for those bumps in the road (even if it sure seems like it sometimes). I know his big picture desires are in the right place.
Third, I can be aware, I can be proactive, I can be a loving teacher to other females around me, but I need to quit trying to see in every other woman, including my daughter, what I fear my husband might be seeing. Bad bad results.

Re: 5 More Ways to Rely on God’s Strength to Beat Your Giants

EdwinCrozier — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 09:57:21 -0000

Thanks, Rusty. I'm glad it was helpful.

Re: 5 More Ways to Rely on God’s Strength to Beat Your Giants

Rusty — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 08:53:49 -0000

This was exactly what I was looking for - a practical example of HOW to rely on God's strength. Thanks for taking the time to put this together.

Re: Don’t Take This Trip Alone

Bob's boy — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 13:41:21 -0000

Refreshing perspective...
~a fellow patient

Re: A Final 5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men

EdwinCrozier — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 15:04:55 -0000

Thanks, new Guest, for your chiming in. I appreciate you adding this side to the discussion and completely agree with the perspective. What helps me return again and again to God is knowing that He already knew my sins and loved me anyway. I know He's not ever going to say, "You've gone to far, I don't love you anymore, my Son's death doesn't count for you anymore." He's always going to welcome me back home.

I do want to make one slight modification. I don't believe anyone has the power to make anyone else anything--except God. Certainly, our behavior can influence others. I don't want my wife to believe that if I'm not a great person it is because she didn't do something right. I also don't want her to believe that my greatness is contingent on her doing everything right. We are both working on ourselves.

Re: A Final 5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men

Guest — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 09:55:00 -0000

Let me reiterate that I intended for my comments to be understood in addition to, not instead of what was said above. Definitely confront him if he says or does anything at all that concerns you or makes you uncomfortable. Just make sure he knows without a doubt that you're proud of who he is before you start discussing the difficult things.

Re: A Final 5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men

Guest — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 09:39:43 -0000

I would add to Justin's and Edwin's comments that in my experience, and in the experience of every man with whom I've been able to discuss sexual temptation candidly, your husband is not unusual. Sadly, "a father with such history" would seem to describe the majority of fathers. What makes your husband different than most is not the fact that he struggles with sexual temptation, but the fact that he is brave enough to be open and honest with you about it.

I would never recommend that you or anyone condone sin or downplay its devastating effects, and I agree completely with Edwin that it is best to be overly cautious rather than not cautious enough. My guess is that your husband struggles more than he has told you.

However, what will motivate him more than anything to actually overcome this sin is prayer, an honest love for God, and your respect.

If I were your husband, I would be motivated more than ever to overcome after reading your first paragraph. You believe in him. He is your man. You admire him for being open about his struggles. You know that he's determined to overcome. And you're proud of him for helping another brother who is struggling. Are all those things true? Then tell him so. And keep telling him. Tell him how proud you are of him as many times each day as you wish he would tell you he loves you.

Most importantly, tell him those things when he messes up and when he comes to you for forgiveness and for help. That's when he needs to hear those things most. You will be mad at him. You will be devastated that he's messed up. But, if he is a good man deep down inside, then every single time he messes up, he's just as devastated as you are. Just like when you're upset and what you need most from your husband is to hear that he loves you no matter what, he needs to hear that you're proud of him--for being a good man deep down inside--no matter what. That will encourage him to come to you more. That will make him want to be honest with you. He won't want to hide things, he'll want to make you proud.

What makes most men hide their struggles is fear that they'll lose the respect of the people closest to them. That means you. You don't respect the sin--at all--and you shouldn't. But you do respect the man. You respect the fact that he is being open and honest with you. So tell him that part. Once he is assured that you respect him no matter what, then you two can discuss how devastated you are.

But be very careful about how and when you tell him how devastating the sin is to you, or else he will almost definitely start to reign in his openness. Men are strange creatures. We desperately want to make our wives proud. When they are not proud of us, it devastates us. So be careful not to criticize. He wants to know how you feel and what you think. He wants to hear how devastated you are by his sin because he desperately wants to quit and he knows that hearing how it hurts someone he loves will motivate him to quit. But before he can even begin to process any of that, he just needs to know without a doubt that you're proud of him for who he is. Once he's assured of that he'll do anything he can to love you and take care of you.

I know that I wouldn't even hesitate to share every thought, every feeling, every struggle with my wife if I knew that every time I do she'll tell me she's proud of who I am regardless of those thoughts, feelings, and struggles. When you two have that kind of relationship, you'll be able to really work together to deal with any specific problems that may arise. He'll be able to tell you if the laundry is a problem for him, because he won't be afraid of you cringing. But, if he's afraid that your first response will be telling him how disgusting he is, he'll probably just keep it to himself, struggle with it alone, and most likely fail.

You have the power to make him a great man. The key is to be proud of him no matter what. Know that he is a normal man, and his struggles are normal. Be proud that he's not content with just being normal.

Re: A Final 5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men

EdwinCrozier — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 21:23:32 -0000

Dear guest,

I'm sorry to have missed this request from you for so long. Somehow I missed the notification and my attention was drawn to it only now because Justin responded to you.

The situation you have brought up is very sensitive.

On the one hand, we must not paint with too broad of a brush. The fact that a man has struggled with lust and pornography does not necessarily mean that his own daughter will cause him a temptation. For some men, the emotional attachment and fatherly affection for their daughters will serve as a protection against that temptation even if they have other sexual struggles. We need to be aware that not everyone who struggles with any sexual temptation necessarily struggles with all possible sexual temptations.

Having said that, however, I believe all men need to be on guard. A growing daughter is still a woman. Further, she is a woman with which the father already has an emotional attachment. A man who has struggled with pornography, by definition, has some unhealthy views of sexuality and must never assume that some sexual sin is so far out of reach that it will never plague him. I am grateful that there are some sexual sins I have not committed. But I have had to learn not to boast about the sins I will never commit. Rather, I am thankful to God for the sins I haven't committed yet. I now add the "yet" as a reminder that if I think I stand, I must take care lest I fall (I Corinthians 10:12).

My advice to you, Guest, is that you make sure to keep all blinders off and not allow your husband's lack of comfortableness with this topic put you off from bringing it up when necessary. If he does something that makes you uncomfortable regarding his actions toward your daughter, talk to him about it. Certainly, talk gently and properly, but talk to him. (A good book about these kinds of conversations is "How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding" by Cloud and Townsend.) Do not let it slide, thinking you are overly sensitive. In my book, it is better to err on the side of caution on this issue. Don't yell at him and accuse him of things, but talk to him about the behavior that made you feel concerned.

Regarding the daughter being careful where she dresses, this is not just an issue of dealing with a husband who has struggled with pornography and lust. This should be a standard of modesty in every home. Husbands and wives are allowed to enjoy each others bodies both physically and visually. But no one else needs to be involved in that. Obviously with very young children modest behaviors may be somewhat relative. But as children grow, they should no longer dress or wear skimpy nightclothes around other members of the family who are of the opposite gender whether parent or sibling. The parent should maintain standards of modesty as well.

Finally, let me also say that this issue of lust for a daughter is not simply a matter of being trained by pornography. Though that certainly doesn't help. Many fathers are blindsided by their daughter's developing bodies, whether they have struggled with pornography or not. While some men are protected from this particular temptation by their fatherly affection, most men naively think they will be and then out of the blue something happens causing them to notice that their little girl is turning into a grown woman. Noticing that change is not sinful or immoral, but if the father is not prepared for it, he may have thoughts that bother him and of which he is ashamed. These men do not need to be berated as perverts or accused of awful things. Rather, it is normal. God made men to be visually stimulated. They simply need to be on their guard. And their wives need to support them in that. I once heard the story of a man who was watching television. His teenage daughter came in and laid down on her stomach on the floor in a long t-shirt that she used as pajamas right in front of him. Her head was propped up on her hands as she watched tv. Her legs were spread, her knees bent up, and her feet waving in the air. The father saw this, was shocked at his first thoughts, and immediately told his daughter to go put some more clothes on. As teenagers often do, she didn't immediately obey, but asked, "Why? I'm comfortable." Instead of standing his ground, he turned to his wife for support and said, "Tell her to go put some clothes on." His wife, instead of supporting him, said, "Why? Have you got a problem?" Yes, we men have problems. We were designed to be visually stimulated and it is not our fault if a scantily clad daughter is the one who stimulates us. Yes, we need to be men and establish good modest boundaries, but we also need support from our wives without having shame and guilt heaped upon us for it.

Guest, I completely understand you making use of my first comments policy rule. I hope this has been helpful. Again I apologize for taking so long to respond to it.

Re: A Final 5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men

EdwinCrozier — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 20:55:08 -0000

Justin, thanks for addressing this. I confess that somehow I missed the e-mail telling me the comment you are addressing was posted. Your comment has drawn my attention to it.

Re: The Thanksgiving Chair: A Video

Osvaldo Rivas — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 20:01:06 -0000

Praise God! and thank you brother for share with my family

Re: A Final 5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men

Justin — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 16:27:55 -0000

I have thought about this post off and on since I read it about a month ago. I don't see that anyone has responded. I must say, as a father of a three month old daughter, I had hoped to read a response from someone a little "further along." It's an idea that I myself have wondered about.

I like to think that Lot considered it an absurd possibility that he and his daughters would ever produce children (Genesis 19:36). However, I also doubt he ever thought that he would willingly offer up those same two daughters to a lust-crazed mob of Sodomites, but that is exactly what he did (19:8). It has often occurred to me that the women that produce pornography, immorally driven advertisements, or dress provocatively--these women have fathers. These women that are enslaved, whether willingly or not, to this lie of Satan, many were once under the guardianship of fathers. They were infants cooing in the arms of their daddies, yet they have grown to entice other men to lie in their own arms. What happened?

Using Lot as an example, I'll like to suggest a few things:

1. It is not impossible that I could commit gross sin. As I surround myself with more and more worldly thinking (living in Sodom), I will provide more and more opportunity to fall. What opportunities am I making for sin by the day to day saturation of this world?

2. I need to guard not only my own heart but the hearts of my family. The worldly influences that surround me also prey on my children. Remember, it was the daughters of Lot that initiated the incest in Genesis 19. What am I passively teaching my children?

3. I cannot shy away from loving my daughter for fear of abusing her. In truth it is the lack of love that I show her that causes me to abuse her. Lot showed no love for his daughters when he offered them up to the city of Sodom pounding at his door. Yes, he showed his abhorrence for sodomy, but he also betrayed his deficiency in guarding his family. Had he loved his daughters truly, the sacrifice he attempted would have been unthinkable. Am I loving my children by zealously guarding their souls?

2 Peter 2:7-8 names Lot as a righteous man, but it also says "he was tormenting his righteous soul over their lawless deeds that he saw and heard" (ESV). I believe Lot must have grieved deeply upon the realization of what he had done with his daughters. It didn't have to be. In light of this heart wrenching example, I have committed to:

1. Removing what worldly influences I can and replacing them with godly influences,

2. Providing a good example for my children and creating a sanctuary with my wife for my family to enjoy without the multitude of Satan's snares lying about,

3. Loving my daughter (and my son) by guarding them from unholy attractions and showing them the holy affection of a father. That may mean guarding my children from myself, which means I need to humbly examine my own struggles, confess them to God, and repent to be His kind of man.

I apologize for the length, but I hope that helps.

Re: The Thanksgiving Chair: A Video

EdwinCrozier — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 15:16:04 -0000

No shame, Lori. I cried too.

Re: The Thanksgiving Chair: A Video

Lori Legg Biesecker — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 10:13:06 -0000

Made me cry. Surprise. Good stuff. Thanks.

Re: One Man’s Thoughts on Modesty and Lust

Osvaldo Rivas — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 17:57:24 -0000

I just read this on 01-02-2012, but let me tell you something it is a wonderfull article about lust. I like your sincerity with you and God; some time christians we have problem doing that; I try to do the same. be sincere. I live in El Salvador Central America, with my wife and 3 children. I became a christian 22 years ago. I´m not a gospel preacher, but I preach in our congregation 2 sundays per month. I have been studying very much the Bible and other spiritual book wich are help me to overcome my struggles. until now I had not read any book or article addressing this point straight, and clear. specially in Spanish there are not much material. I found this and it has been very helpfull for me. may God grant you the life, and blessing to you and your family. I will be in touch.
sincerely:
Osvaldo Rivas

Re: What Churches Can Learn from 12-Step Groups

173 29 65 01alpha — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 00:55:12 -0000

Celebrate Recovery Is an Excellent 12-step based program rooted in Christ and based in scripture http://www.celebraterecovery.c...

Re: What Churches Can Learn from 12-Step Groups

Genejenkins — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 14:22:25 -0000

I appreciate your thoughts on this subject, so much, Edwin! For years, I'd thought of this same scenario. I've concluded that it would be such a boost for those who are going through severe situations to actually feel they could admit freely to brethren, who are stronger, their weaknesses and failings. This, in essence, is what the church is supposed to be doing rather than providing the often felt embarrassment of having to admit failure. Being like God means that we offer support and loving forgiveness and fight against the human nature of ridicule and gossip which leads those who are suffering (for what ever reason) to want to run and hide.

Re: A Final 5 More Lies Pornography Tells Men

Guest — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 18:45:43 -0000

My husband of nearly 10 years has had an internet
pornography habit since before I knew him. The year 2010 was a turning point in
our ability to communicate with one another about the problem – I believe we
are working together and on the path to having the holy and glorious marriage
God wants to gift us. In recent months my man is very admirably deciding to be
somewhat open about his struggles, in determination to save himself and to
encourage a brother also hurting because of sexual sin.

My husband and I have a growing young daughter. I am
concerned that her physical development will be a stumblingblock to my husband,
as he’s had years of training, and still fights the ingrained habit to look at
females anywhere and everywhere as objects provided to tickle his fantasies. He
seems to “shrug off” the possibility of entertaining sexual thoughts of his own
daughter, which I must allow may simply be his personality avoiding
confrontation of this uncomfortable subject with me, his daughter’s mother. Or
at worst, may be naivety, or pride too certain that he could never fall to such
a low. He comments simply that she’ll have to learn to be more careful about
where she dresses. Might someone consider commenting, from a male perspective,
on a father’s battle to protect the image of his daughter, and particularly in
his own mind? I cringe at the thought of a father with such history even
helping with his daughter’s laundry.

Edwin, please excuse my taking advantage of rule #1 of your comments policy.

Re: You Might Be an Idolater if… Or 6 Questions to Determine Who is Your God

EdwinCrozier — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 11:21:14 -0000

Good thoughts.
Please keep in mind that enjoying something is different from letting it be an idol. I don't know anything about "Call of Duty," so I can't comment on whether or not it is appropriate for a Christian to play. I'll just stick to the amount of time spent playing any video game or watching TV or whatever else might be stepping into the role of idol. My suggestion is to put some limits on yourself. Let yourself play for a set period of time each day. If you find that you simply cannot abide by the limitations, you might have a problem. I don't know if it makes you "an unregenerate, hellbound idolater," but it may mean you need to take some drastic measures like simply cutting it out of your life altogether. Get rid of the game so you can't play it at all. Remember Jesus words in Matthew 5:29-30. If playing video games is keeping you from connecting to God and glorifying Him in your life, then cut it off.For some things to think about, you might want to consider a couple of articles I wrote for the Franklin Church of Christ in Franklin, TN a few years ago. They don't deal with video games but with similar issues and time management.Go to http://franklinchurchofchrist.... then look under the alphabetical headings for:"Confessions of a TV Junkie"&"Confessions of an Internet Junkie"I hope this is helpful.

Re: You Might Be an Idolater if… Or 6 Questions to Determine Who is Your God

Strelok0017 — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 04:50:09 -0000

Not sure if this is idolatry but I really really enjoy video games. I don't think there are many other things that I enjoy nearly as much (I don't watch tv at all, no movies, I even despise secular music - sorry) so regarding everything else I'm pretty much clean but the thought that because I love playing Call of Duty I might be an unregenerate, hellbound idolater is in my mind for a week now. I can't go on like this. My limits just keep moving. I believe I was called by Jesus 9 months ago but right not I'm not sure if that was even real. I don't know what to do. I would say that it's just a video game but my heart keeps telling me that either they are out or God will leave me forever... I will not give up on Him. I wish this was easier. God, have mercy on me.

Re: What Churches Can Learn from 12-Step Groups

EdwinCrozier — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 15:04:36 -0000

Yes, confession is tough. But we are only as sick as our secrets. Letting the light shine on our secrets with another person is a great way to take the power out of our secrets.

Re: What Churches Can Learn from 12-Step Groups

Brad Sullivan — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 11:10:44 -0000

Thanks Edwin, I'm looking forward to the rest of what you have to say.

One of the things I see in the 12 steps that many people have trouble with is step 5. We can admit our sins to God because, well, He already knows. But admitting our sins to another human being, that means we have to really humble ourselves. James 5:16 tells us to confess our sins to one another. This isn't so they can forgive us, but help to help us overcome our sins. We need to find a spiritual "sponsor" that can hold us accountable and be there for us when we are weak and tempted.

All of the steps revolve around a relationship with God that goes beyond "going to church". If our prayer life is as it should be it will make it more difficult for us to ignore God while we go and sin. If we are continually talking with the Lord we will be much stronger when temptation comes our way.

I could say more, but I'll leave that to your very capable hands.

Thanks again Edwin

Re: The #1 Cultural Setback to a Biblical Family in America

EdwinCrozier — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 13:16:20 -0000

Thanks, Joan. Glad to know I was able to maintain a little suspense for a few paragraphs.

Re: The #1 Cultural Setback to a Biblical Family in America

EdwinCrozier — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 13:15:39 -0000

Thanks for the encouragement. Selfishness does seem to be a driving force in a lot of what we do.